


The Story of Us

by sonicrainicorn



Series: Berry Done AU [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Gen, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Married Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Past Abuse, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Sibling Prinxiety, brief discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicrainicorn/pseuds/sonicrainicorn
Summary: After a little over a decade of being together, Logan finally tells Patton about his first boyfriend.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Berry Done AU [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1259483
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	The Story of Us

**Author's Note:**

> No, I will not change Damien's name in light of recent events. Yes, it will bug me forever

After finding out that the twins would stay with Logan at Thomas’s house, Patton decided he couldn’t stay home alone. Even if it was just one night. So he managed to stop crying long enough to go visit his brothers. They still lived together in that same house they had all been renting since college. It was a momentary comfort to be reminded of those times.

He knocked on the front door. He still had his key, but he didn’t call ahead so he figured knocking would be more appropriate.

Emile opened it. Surprise was the first thing on his face. “Patton?” He glanced around as if expecting to find something else. “Where’s Logan? Or the kids?”

Patton couldn’t answer. He knew if he opened his mouth he would start crying again, and he didn’t want to fall apart in front of his brother. It was bad enough he still had tears to shed. Emile didn’t need to see that.

The extended silence was enough to change his expression. “Come inside.”

Remy was sitting in the armchair closest to the kitchen doorway. The television displayed a Studio Ghibli movie Patton couldn’t recall the name of, but Emile paused it. That seemed to grab Remy’s attention more than Patton walking in unannounced.

“What’s up?” Remy asked.

Emile sat beside them. Neither seemed to mind the cushion clearly wasn't meant for two people. “That’s Patton’s decision to tell us.”

Patton didn’t want to say anything, really. But he knew they both deserved an explanation. Emile would try to fill in the blanks somehow if he didn’t mention something, anyway. Why would Patton come here alone? If he ever came over he brought Logan and the twins with him. There were only so many reasons that wouldn’t happen. “Is D here?” Might as well fill everyone in.

“Uh, yeah, he’s —”

“Lurking in the kitchen,” Damien finished as he appeared in the doorway. “What did you do?”

Wow, he deserved that accusatory tone, actually. He sighed and sat on the couch to face everyone. Well — “face”. He couldn’t bring himself to look in anyone’s eyes. And he still couldn’t do it after he explained what he had done. At least he didn’t cry. Little victories here. Little victories.

No one said anything for a moment. Patton wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse; when Logan didn’t say anything he ran off after. But these were his brothers (and Remy), their reactions had to be different, right?

“I guess old habits die hard, huh?” Damien said. He didn’t look too pleased.

Patton blinked. “What?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Oh, there was that annoyed anger that stayed with him throughout the years. It was like he was a teenager again. “How many people did you sleep with in college?”

Now that was a loaded question.

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that,” Emile warned softly, giving Damien a look that equated to ‘chill out, dude’.

Damien, like the true middle child, pretended he didn’t notice. “He probably lost track, anyway.”

“It was… a few,” Patton confirmed. If a few meant more people than he had fingers to count on. “But I don’t see how that —”

“And is that anywhere near the number of times you’ve slept with Logan?”

God, no. He squirmed when he found he couldn’t admit that out loud.

“I rest my case, your honor.” Damien waved his hand as if laying out the points for everyone to see. "Our idiot brother ruined his longest-lasting relationship by not once being able to keep it in his pants."

"Gross," Emile mumbled.

Patton felt the heat of embarrassment under his skin. "It wasn't on purpose."

"Right." Damien rolled his eyes. "Because it's totally common to accidentally fall onto someone's dick."

"It's somehow getting even grosser," Emile said in a quieter voice.

"I wouldn't — I didn't —" Patton floundered. He grasped for any sort of composure he could find. "There was no… _falling_ on anything. We didn't sleep together."

"But you considered it." Damien pointed an accusatory finger.

Oh, damn, Patton couldn't even deny that. "I was drunk."

"I don't think that's the kind of justification you think it is. That just proves it was always on your mind. And the second you had nothing to stop you you went for it. No inhibitions, no husband, no brother-in-law — just someone eager to do the same thing you've been craving."

Patton didn't know how to defend himself.

"You know, I don't often agree with D on anything," Remy spoke up at last. "But I think he might be right on this. There's no part of this story where you're not the bad guy."

The bad guy. God, Patton really _was_ the bad guy, wasn't he? He had a loving husband and two kids — a perfect family. Everything he ever wanted. Then he shattered it all on someone who didn’t have the same significance. He became the villain of his own fairytale.

“Maybe we should stop talking about this,” Emile’s voice came back a bit firmer.

“You’re not going to try to defend him, are you?” Damien gave him a look.

Emile lost some confidence. “N-no, it was wrong and he shouldn’t have done it, but berating him all night isn’t going to change that. I think he gets the point.”

“Does he, though?” He crossed his arms. “Because I think he _really_ needs to understand what he’s done here. This isn’t only going to affect him and Logan, but his kids — our nephews — are living through this as well. This isn’t just a ‘Patton’ thing, this is a ‘family’ thing.”

“While that’s true, this isn’t the right time to try to deal with it.”

“I don’t think there’s going to be a ‘right’ time to deal with it,” Remy countered. “This has clearly changed the dynamic of everything.” They motioned to Patton’s spot. “He’s here alone. Which _never_ happens.”

“Exactly. He’s messed things up and he has to acknowledge that.”

“He has,” Emile urged, sounding almost desperate. Desperate to get Damien and Remy on his side, or desperate to believe he’s right, Patton wasn’t sure.

“You’re a goddamn therapist, Emile, look at this objectively.”

“How the hell do you expect me to do that?”

Patton sat in silence as the three argued back and forth. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here. Now he was splitting up _this_ household, too. He didn’t want it to happen. Any of it. If he could turn back time he’d shake himself around until he realized letting Bailey flirt with him would lead to something bad. He’d make himself understand that if he was craving intimacy he should have talked to Logan. That should have been the first thing he did. Why didn’t he do it? _Why didn’t he do it?_

“This isn’t going anywhere,” Remy raised their voice to be heard over the brothers. “We all need to chill, alright? Em had a point — trying to discuss it while it’s still fresh is only going to make it worse. We need level heads here.”

Damien huffed. “Whatever. I’m going to bed.” He stormed off.

Remy watched him go with a tight frown. “Prick.”

“Remy,” Emile warned.

“What? I always call him a prick.”

“I know when you mean it." He gave them a pointed look before turning to Patton. "Your room is the same way you left it. Stay as long as you need."

Patton stood up. "Thanks, Em." He wanted to say more — apologize for coming over and ruining their night, or say how grateful he was to be given a sliver of a chance — but he kept his mouth shut. Maybe he said too much already. Instead, he followed the familiar path to his old bedroom. It was the one at the end of the hall. He remembered choosing it so that he'd be between Damien and Emile in case they needed him. He doubted they would be needing him ever again.

As the night dragged on, Patton couldn’t sleep. Not that that was surprising or anything, it was just a bit frustrating. He wanted this day to be over. He wanted some peace from it. Just a little. But it didn’t seem like the universe was going to be that merciful. All he could do was stare up at the ceiling in complete darkness, going over everything that happened earlier that day. Part of him wondered how the twins were holding up. Were they having trouble sleeping, too? What about Logan? Was he okay? Was anyone okay?

Patton wasn’t. Not that it mattered.

He made this mess and now he had to lie in it. He sighed and rolled over to face the wall. It was a change of scenery but not much else. He wasn’t any closer to falling asleep. Maybe he should resign himself to staying up for the rest of the night. He doubted he could relax enough to sleep and trying only made him restless. Groaning, he threw the blanket off himself. He needed to move. But as he slipped out the door, he heard voices coming from Emile’s room.

“I never would have imagined him doing something like this,” Emile whispered. As if saying it out loud would somehow make everything worse.

“Me either. He always seemed so happy with Logan.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s always been a pretty good liar. Maybe he hasn’t felt that way in a long time. Maybe he…”

The room fell silent.

“We could go through ‘maybe’s all night,” Remy said. “But I think we should try to get some sleep.”

“You’re right. I just… it’s just hard to admit that someone you know could do something so… awful. He’s my brother — I’m supposed to have his back, but he’s the one in the wrong here. I can’t defend him from this.”

“That’s not your job, turtle duck. He’s a grown man, he can deal with the consequences himself. Come on, you should really get some sleep.”

Patton stayed there for a few stunned moments. Emile always trusted him. Where Damien was weary to follow, Emile never hesitated. He always looked to Patton for an answer or believed he would know the right thing. But now, after all these years, he was starting to doubt his trust. He was losing faith in Patton. And Patton was failing him.

The next morning, Patton went to work exhausted. Emile tried to persuade him to stay home, but he insisted he needed to go. Might as well do something right, he thought. Throughout the whole day, he avoided Bailey as well as he could. He didn’t see Thomas at all, which somewhat concerned him. A million different scenarios ran through his head on why that could be and most of them weren’t pleasant to think about. He let it be, though. He didn’t want to push his luck by calling him. At the end of the day, he went back to his own house… but once again found he couldn’t stand being there. It was too quiet.

He hated himself for it, but he packed a bag and went back to his brothers. It felt too much like he was running away — like he was holding off the inevitable again. And maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t ready to face Logan and see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t ready to know what his sons thought of him. He was a coward plain and simple.

When he first arrived, Damien was the only one home. Unsurprisingly, he didn't say a word. He let Patton in and went back to watching TV.

"You're watching baseball," Patton noted. He couldn't help it. Messing everything up didn't make him any less of an older brother. "I thought you hated baseball."

"I do," Damien grumbled. "I just needed something else to be mad at."

"What are you mad at?"

Damien exhaled loudly through his nose. He muted the baseball game. “You really need to know why I’m mad, Patton?" He turned to face him with a hard glare.

“That’s sort of why I asked,” Patton mumbled.

“I’m mad because my whole life I was told to be more like _you._ You were always the perfect son that could do no wrong — but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. You mess up. You make mistakes. You’re not actually this unattainable goal that I could never reach. And I can’t believe I had to find that out from you ruining your marriage. I’m mad because I actually like Logan. He’s so much better than any of your other past flings. I’m so mad because he’s already been through —” He immediately cut himself off.

That raised several alarm bells. "Been through what?"

Damien focused his glare on the TV. "I promised I wouldn't ever tell you." He glanced back at Patton. "And I actually know how to keep promises."

He tentatively touched his ring.

"If you're curious enough you could ask him." He unmuted the game. "He _is_ your husband after all. It's sort of in the contract to trust each other."

Yeah, sort of. Patton decided to head off to his room after that. If he stuck around long enough Damien would voice every criticism he had and make sure to poke at open wounds while he was at it. He was always a bit brutal whenever he was angry.

On the third night, Emile talked to him after dinner.

"I don't want to rush you or anything," he said. "But when are you planning on going back home?"

Patton paused for a second, letting the running water wash over his hands and plate. He offered to clean the dishes. It was the very least he could do. "I don't know."

"Thomas said Logan and the twins went back yesterday." He leaned against the counter.

"Well, that's good." He continued on his task.

Emile didn't say anything, and Patton didn't even have to look at him to know the gears were turning behind those clever eyes of his. "You can't hide from this forever."

"I know."

But he could try.

Later into the night, Damien pulled Patton into his room. It was a surprise for two big reasons. One: Damien hadn’t said a word to Patton since the day prior. Two: Damien barely let anyone into his room when they were all living together. He insisted it was off-limits most of the time.

“What are you going to do?” Damien crossed his arms and looked at Patton expectantly.

Patton blinked. “About what?”

Damien rolled his eyes as if what he was talking about should be obvious. “To fix your marriage, idiot.”

“I don't know. Grovel?”

“While personally, _I_ approve of that, I don’t really think it’s going to work for Logan. Y’know — your husband? Of nine years? Who you cheated on? With someone you see every day?”

“Okay, you don’t have to remind me.” Patton grimaced.

“Apparently you needed a refresher.”

Patton grimaced further. “Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to make it any better. I could say sorry until the end of time but I don’t think that would make up for anything.”

“Then you have to do something that _will_ make it up. You have to prove that your apologies aren’t empty words.”

How? How could he prove that? All he had was words, but words weren’t impactful unless they were backed up by actions. What sort of actions could he do? He avoided Bailey like the damn plague already. What else could he possibly — 

A lightbulb went off over his head. 

“I have an idea.”

* * *

On the fifth day, it was clear Patton was procrastinating. He was afraid; that much was obvious as well. He didn’t want to fail. He didn’t want to lose Logan. If Logan fell out of love with him… he didn’t know what he’d do. They promised to stay together for the twins, but staying together and being in love weren’t mutually exclusive. Patton didn’t want to just be together. He loved Logan so much. He’d do anything to make sure the love stayed between them. But he feared that Logan didn’t want to try. If Logan decided that was it between them then that was it. Patton wouldn’t push him.

So, yes, he procrastinated. It made the pit in his stomach grow, but at least this way he wouldn’t fail. He could pretend he still had a chance.

When Emile and Remy got home, Patton was sitting at the kitchen table by himself. Damien was working still, so they usually waited a little longer to cook dinner. That way it would be ready when he got home. So Patton was only sitting there for a place to mope that wasn’t his room. A change of scenery made him feel like somewhat of a functional adult. He was getting out of bed at least.

“Oh, Patton,” Emile said, genuinely surprised. “Hi.”

Patton mumbled out a small, “Hello.”

Emile and Remy shared a glance. In no words at all, they seemed to understand what the other was saying. “I’ll be in the room,” Remy sighed. It didn’t sound like they were a hundred percent on board with it but agreed for Emile’s sake.

“Thank you, coffee bean.” He gave them a kiss on their cheek before they went on their way.

For a brief second, Patton was filled with bitter jealousy. Here was a healthy, functional relationship right in front of him — one he had been living with for five days — and his own relationship was in turmoil. It didn’t seem fair. They had been at odds almost the whole time he was here, but they were still holding together. Of course, Patton was quick to dismiss those feelings. There was no one to blame for this mess but himself. He shouldn’t get upset just because his brother was succeeding where he wasn’t.

“So,” Emile took a seat across from him. “What’s on your mind?”

Patton flicked a crumb off the table. He kept his eyes on the grain of the wood. “You’re not going to psychoanalyze me, are you?”

“What? No.” He sounded offended. “Do I look Freudian to you? I didn’t go to over eight years of schooling just to have you think I follow the theories of an old man who constantly did cocaine.”

Patton scoffed softly. “You sound like Logan.” His smile faded as soon as the words left his mouth.

Emile was quiet for a moment. “You miss him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then go home.”

He made it sound so easy. Patton sighed and leaned back in his chair. “The last time I saw him he was so angry with me he broke down crying. I… I hurt him so much, Em. I don’t know if I have the means to fix it.” Not to mention his children were being forced into this. That was a whole separate issue he didn’t know he could succeed with. “How can I possibly go home?”

“How can you not?” He shrugged. “Staying here isn’t going to fix anything — you have to talk to him. You have to show you can be trusted and then work through this together. It’s probably easier said than done, but the longer you wait the worse it’ll become.”

Patton definitely didn’t want it getting any worse. "Okay."

He packed up and left before dinner was even ready. The pit in his stomach was still there the whole drive home. It might have gotten bigger the closer he got. He knew he was doing the right thing, but his fears wouldn't leave him alone. All he could think about was the last time he saw Logan. How angry he got, the way that he cried — it replayed over and over again. Patton caused that. Patton was the source of that.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come back so soon.

But…

The driveway was right there. He couldn't turn back now. He came all this way. And… and he missed his kids. He missed his husband. He missed being home. Even if they all hated him he would be happy to just see their faces again. To hear their voices, to know they were there. He missed them all so much.

Patton pulled into the driveway and sat in the car. All of his conflicted feelings fought to be heard. The part of him that was afraid to fail insisted that he needed to retreat. He could come back another time. But the part that missed his family pushed to get inside. He couldn't fix anything if he kept hiding. It was good that he was here. The longer he waited the worse it would become.

Sighing, he got out. He could do this. He could do this. He already went over everything with Damien. All he had to do was avoid thinking about the worst-case scenario… which was all he had been thinking about for the last three days.

Oh boy.

When he got to the front door, unlocking it was a foreign yet familiar feeling. The moment he stepped inside he almost started crying.

Roman and Virgil were at the coffee table with several pieces of blank paper and a few boxes of crayons. They appeared to be playing one of their many games. It was such a normal scene that Patton could have been fooled into thinking nothing happened. But then they noticed someone at the door. Their joyful smiles were replaced with genuine shock. Patton used his back to shut the door, glad to feel that stupid resistance again.

The three of them stared at each other in silence.

"Hi, Dad," Roman muttered with a soft smile.

Patton returned it. "Hi, boys."

Something clattered in the kitchen.

Concerned, Patton hurried over. He found Logan shutting off the stove and shaking his hand, cursing under his breath. Instinctually, Patton stepped forward to help.

“Don’t.” Logan flinched away from him.

He stayed where he was, his stomach attempting to make a break for it. Out of all the scenarios that went through his head, this wasn’t an outcome he expected to happen. He felt unprepared.

Logan turned on the sink and ran his hand under the cool water. He stared at the faucet with an unreadable expression. “I wasn’t expecting you to show up.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I knew if I called ahead I would lose the nerve to come so, uh, surprise?” He tried for a smile.

Logan looked at him with hardened eyes. “I’m not fond of surprises.”

Patton’s mouth went dry.

“Truthfully, I was starting to doubt if you were coming back.” He shut off the water. "I thought you ran off."

"I wouldn't just abandon you or the kids." He glanced at the doorway to see little heads duck out of the way. "We agreed to do this together."

"Well, I can't exactly trust you, can I?"

Ouch. Patton ignored the sucker punch to his insides, and instead diverted the conversation elsewhere. He didn't want to dig himself further into a hole. "I'll finish up dinner." He set his bag on a kitchen chair. "You can continue taking care of your hand."

Logan didn’t say anything. He didn’t react. He just stared at Patton, perhaps as if to gauge the validity of his words. In the end, he sighed and walked toward the bathroom.

Patton felt like he barely dodged a bullet.

Once he finished up dinner, he served the plates. Unsurprisingly, there was only enough for three. Patton wasn’t expected, after all. It was fine. He was sure if he had something in his stomach he would throw it up. He hadn’t been this nervous in his whole life. Not even when he told his parents, who kicked out his brothers, that the serious relationship he had been talking about was with another man.

Ugh, thinking about his parents made him even sicker. He could already imagine his father’s reaction to this: “I told you so.” Then he would prattle on about how the only legitimate marriage was between a man and a woman, blah, blah, blah — ignoring all the failed hetero marriages along the way. His mother wouldn’t say anything. Not to defend him, not to agree, not anything. She didn’t speak up when her husband forced two of her sons out of her house, or when he cut ties with his eldest son — not for being gay, but for taking in his younger brothers. She never stood up to him even when she so clearly disagreed with what he said. Even when her own sons counted on her for protection.

She was a coward just like Patton.

“Boys, dinner is ready.” He set the plates down in their respective spots. It was such a small action, but it seemed far too normal for their current predicament. Who knew something so simple could make it seem like nothing ever happened?

Roman and Virgil scampered over to their seats. Satisfied, Patton turned to leave.

“You’re not gonna sit with us?” Virgil asked in that quiet voice of his.

Patton stopped. “Uh, not tonight.” He didn’t think Logan would appreciate it.

“Oh,” he and Roman shared disappointed glances, “okay.”

Gosh, darn it. They weren't going to make things easy. Patton needed to patch things up with Logan, and that included not getting further onto his bad side, but he owed it to his sons to show he wasn't going anywhere. There had to be some sort of middle ground here. "Why… why don't we do something after dinner instead? We could play a game."

They smiled a little. "Okay," Roman responded.

That was as good a start as any. Patton smiled and went to put his things away. As he walked down the hall, he couldn't help but pause at the bathroom. The door was open. Logan stood gripping the counter and staring at his reflection with a hard frown. The fingers that were burned had been bandaged already.

"Are you okay?" Patton asked, causing Logan to jump. "Sorry."

Logan composed himself. "I'm fine." He pushed up his glasses with his uninjured hand. "Did you need something?" He looked at Patton, allowing Patton to see the sheen in his eyes.

"Uh — no. I was just checking on you." He lingered at the doorway. “Dinner’s ready, by the way.”

He didn’t say anything in response, and Patton figured that was as good a time as any to get a move on.

Once the twins were ready, they invited Patton into their room. It was just as messy as the last time Patton ever saw it, which was somewhat comforting. At least one thing in this house hadn’t changed.

They decided to show him how to play one of their drawing games. They had a lot of those, Patton noticed. Each one had its own set of unique rules and instructions. One of their favorites was what Patton referred to as the doodle-scribble game. He didn’t know what any of them were called, if they had any name at all, so he made up his own for his own reference. The doodle-scribble game was the simplest of all their drawing games. One of them would make a sort of line or loop and then the other had to make an image out of it without repeating. It went back and forth until one of them got stuck or they needed to do something else.

Since that one was the easiest, that’s the one they decided to play. Virgil made the first scribble and then passed it to Roman to doodle on. Once Roman completed his doodle (and Virgil decided it was acceptable), he made a scribble and passed it to Patton. Patton decided to make a flower out of it. The way the line bent turned into the stem and leaf with loops on top for a simple daisy. Roman deemed that a legal move, so Patton made his own scribble to pass on to Virgil.

Patton soon found out that his sons were ten times more artistic and creative than he was. He kept to simple designs or shapes while Virgil and Roman created detailed images. Where Patton made a box house, Virgil made a koala on a tree branch or Roman made a dragon breathing fire. It wasn’t really a game someone won, but Patton felt like he was losing. They seemed entertained with his attempts, though.

He was in the middle of trying to come up with something he hadn’t drawn already when there came a knock on the doorway. They looked up to see Logan. “It’s getting late,” he said. “You two should be sleeping.”

“But Dad hasn’t taken his turn yet,” Virgil replied.

“Look.” Roman grabbed one of the filled pages and took it to Logan. “He has to make a picture out of a line that I give him.”

It was rather obvious which ones were Patton’s and which ones were the twins’. Patton was sure Logan figured it out right away. A few of Roman’s and Virgil’s even connected to form a bigger picture. “Well, by the looks of it it seems your dad is going to spend all night drawing a square.”

Virgil and Roman suppressed their laughter. Patton gave up.

“It’s time for bed. You can keep playing tomorrow.”

They each heaved a sigh but did as they were told. Patton straightened out the remaining papers and put the pencils away. He reached the doorway right as Logan turned the light off.

"Goodnight my little beasties."

"G'night," they responded in unison.

"Sleep well," Patton added. He shut the door after.

Normally, Patton and Logan would watch an episode or two of a television show before heading off to bed themselves, but that didn't seem like an option tonight. Instead, Logan went into his office and Patton was left alone. He didn't know what to do. He felt out of place in his own home.

He walked into the living room and sat by himself. So far things with Logan didn’t appear to be going well, but things with the kids were a lot better. They seemed happy to have him back and they allowed him to play a game with them. Considering he was sure they hated him this was beyond a great relief. He didn’t know if he could handle three people despising him under one roof. At least getting back on the kids’ good graces would be a lot easier. Trying to get back on Logan’s, on the other hand… well… Patton hoped his plan would work out.

When it was time to get ready for bed, Patton and Logan awkwardly avoided one another despite the fact they needed to occupy the same spaces. Patton didn’t realize how often they were in the same room together until he needed to avoid it.

Then came another issue.

Patton idled at the doorway of the bedroom. Logan was already inside finishing up his nightly routine. "Uh…"

Logan scowled and slammed the door in his face.

Yeah, he should have expected that. Sighing, he turned to check on the twins. He opened the door enough to peek in. Almost right away he saw movement; they tried to dive under the covers so he wouldn’t see them. They weren't quick enough, of course. He poked his head in. "Shouldn't you two be sleeping?"

"We are," Roman answered.

Virgil huffed and threw his pillow at him.

"Ow!"

Patton shook his head. "You guys need rest." He took the pillow from Roman before he had the chance to throw it back. "Why are you up?"

"We were talking." Roman sat up with a small scowl.

He gave the pillow back to Virgil. "About what?"

They both went silent.

"You can tell me." He sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed.

Roman kept his eyes on his sheets. "Daddy's mad at you."

Patton sighed. "Yeah, well, he has every right to be."

"At least he isn't sad anymore," Virgil muttered.

"He was sad?" Hearing it from Thomas was one thing. Hearing it from his own sons was another.

"Well, he told us that he wasn't," Roman explained like he was admitting a secret he was ashamed to spill. "But we heard him crying when we were supposed to be asleep."

"And we heard him talking to Uncle Thomas about it when we were over."

He should probably tell them they shouldn’t be eavesdropping. "What did he say?"

"He wasn't happy," Roman answered first.

"He thinks you're a liar," Virgil added on.

Yikes.

"You're not a liar, are you?" Roman asked.

Oh boy. Patton thought over his words carefully. "Sometimes people hide the truth when they're scared about what might happen. But hiding it can make it a lot worse when it comes out. I tried to hide what I did, which made your daddy think I have more things to hide."

"Do you?" Virgil asked.

"No."

"Maybe you should tell him that," Roman said.

"Yeah, and then he won't be sad anymore."

If only it were that easy. "We'll see how it goes. Now get to bed. It's late."

The next morning, Patton shut off his alarm almost as soon as it went off. An automatic, mechanical reaction formed by the past few days without Logan. As such, it took him a second to realize he was back home. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. His body hurt. Sleeping on the couch wasn't as pleasant as he remembered. Maybe he was getting old. He stood up to stretch his stiff joints and carried on with his morning routine. In the hallway, he ran into Logan.

They stared at each other in surprise.

"You're up early," Logan commented.

"Am I?" It always felt early when he didn’t get any sleep.

"We don't often wake up at the same time."

He suppressed a yawn. "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. I had to wake up a little earlier to get to work on time when I was with my brothers." He rubbed his eye again. "I didn't think to fix my alarm."

Logan didn't say anything, but he appeared to accept that response.

“Uh, I’ll let you get ready.” He moved out of Logan’s way and into the kitchen instead. He had quite a lot of time to kill so he might as well make some breakfast. Being productive would be better than standing around like a fool.

He decided on chocolate chip pancakes since that was something the twins loved. Logan loved it, too, but he never admitted it out loud. He didn't admit to liking a lot of things. Patton still wasn't sure why after all this time, but he grew to accept that was just apart of who Logan was. Most of what he knew Logan liked came from context clues or studious observation. Which was fine. He never minded it one bit.

"Do you work today?"

Patton glanced in Logan's direction. No matter how long they've been together, Logan's speed for getting ready always impressed him. He wasn't even done making the batter yet. "Yeah, it's surgery day." He checked the batter for any lumpiness. "I have to get there a little earlier than usual. But I'll be back at the normal time. Are you planning on doing anything today?"

"Not particularly." Logan stole a few chocolate chips before leaving. He wasn't as subtle as he thought he was.

* * *

On Monday, Logan started his morning the same way he had since this situation started. He turned off his alarm, convinced himself to get out of bed, and went to wake up the twins. He made sure they would stay awake and get themselves ready before doing his own thing. Even after the past week, muscle memory tried to get him to wake up Patton, but he managed to stop himself. Patton wasn’t his responsibility.

After the twins were ready he dropped them off at school. He went back home to finish getting dressed and grab his things for work. Then he left. All without saying a single word to Patton or even checking if he was up in the first place. If he could spend a week without Logan keeping tabs on him then he could handle another one.

Work started the same way it did every Monday. Slow. At least he wasn’t on the verge of an emotional breakdown this week. He was just tired. Well, Mondays were always tiring, but today he was just… tired. The same type of tired he was last Tuesday when all he did was stay in bed and stare at the wall. Or last Wednesday when he had to go on teaching like his world wasn’t falling apart. Or last Thursday when he constantly repeated “I’m fine” to anyone who asked. Or… yeah, he wasn’t having a good time.

He couldn’t ignore it away (trust him, he tried), but he also didn’t want to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it would bring up all his feelings of never being enough, his brokenness, and how much it all hurt. It hurt so much. He didn't want it to hurt anymore, but he didn't know how to make it stop — if it ever would. He was just tired.

When it came time for his free period, he decided to step outside for a moment. At least, he intended for it to be a moment. It ended up being the whole period because he went on a short walk and ran into another teacher on their free period. Mrs. Dallas. She was a nice older woman who taught AP calculus. But very talkative. Logan didn't want to tell her he wasn't in the mood for conversation so he decided to humor her.

By the time they went their separate ways, the bell for the next period rang. Logan came to an abrupt halt almost as soon as he walked into his classroom. On his desk was a vase of flowers that were definitely not there before. He approached it almost cautiously, a little suspicious of why these flowers appeared out of nowhere. There were lilies, roses, and carnations in various pinks and reds. They were beautiful for sure, but as far as he knew, no one planned to send him anything. He grabbed the note attached to them.

_For my little bumblebee_

Oh. Patton. Logan's immediate thought was to crush the note and throw it away. But his hand didn’t move. He stared at the words and willed himself to do something, but he couldn't. Instead, he set the note beside his monitor and prepared himself for class.

After work, he didn’t mention it and neither did Patton. He kept the flowers, though. And the note. Logan assumed that would be the end of it. 

It turned out he was very wrong.

That night, he found a letter on his pillow. He stared at it for much longer than necessary before deciding to pick it up. His name was written on the envelope in Patton’s writing. He could recognize Patton’s writing almost anywhere. It was an odd mixture of neat and sloppy with a slight connection between the letters reminiscent of cursive. He opened it.

_Logan,_

_I understand if you’d want to burn this letter just by seeing who it’s from, but please read through it first. I mean, I can’t exactly stop you. It’s your decision. But I hope you choose to read it._

_So if you're reading this, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'll probably be saying that a lot. Even if I say it a million times I still mean it as much as the first. If you don't believe me right now I hope that I can prove it to you._

_I’m just so sorry. I never should have done what I did. It was a stupid mistake and I’m a stupid man for doing it. You don’t have to forgive me. Just know that I still love you. I will always love you. Even if it doesn’t seem like that now, it’s true. That’s something else I hope I can prove to you. If you'll let me. Again, that’s entirely up to you. I’ll love you regardless._

_That reminds me._

_Do you remember our wedding? I think that’s the most I’ve ever seen you interact with anyone at a social gathering. You were pretty excited. So was I. There’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. And do you remember that night? You were disappointed we couldn’t see any stars, but I brought the old projector with me. I knew that’s what you would want to do. We spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling in our pajamas._

_I probably shouldn’t have written that. Or that. I’m not good at writing letters, am I?_

_~~Love,~~ Sincerely,  
Patton_

Once Logan finished reading it he was tempted to get rid of it. Burning it sounded satisfying. But once again he found that he couldn't do anything. He stared at the curves and loops of the letters, trying to figure out how he wanted to deal with this. In the end, he sighed and placed the letter back in the envelope. He put it in a drawer in his nightstand.

The next morning started the exact same way. He didn’t try as hard to avoid Patton since he had the day off so he remained asleep. At work, things went well again. He didn’t feel like falling apart as much today which he counted as a victory. But he still felt tired. When lunch ended, he debated if taking a nap would make him feel better. His free period was right after lunch so no one would be in the class. Maybe five minutes. That wouldn’t hurt, would it?

As the few students who occupied his room filed out, his phone started to ring. His cell phone, not his work phone. Apparently, he forgot to turn his sound off. Rather than be annoyed with himself he decided to answer it. It was a video call from Thomas.

“Shouldn’t you be working?” Was the first thing out of Logan’s mouth.

“‘Good afternoon, my older brother who I love very much’,” Thomas said, offended and sarcastic. “‘How are you today?’ Wow, I’m great Logan, how are you?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

“I just called to check on you. We haven’t talked since you left.”

“I’m fine.”

Thomas gave him a look he was a little too familiar with. One that said, ‘you’re not fooling me and I’m insulted you would even try’. Some might consider it a parent’s, ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’ face. Since Thomas was the closest thing Logan had to a parent for a good portion of his life, that checked out.

“You still didn’t answer my first question.”

“I’m on break,” he shifted his hold on the phone, "what's your excuse?"

Logan scoffed. _"You're_ the one that called _me."_ He resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. "I don't have a class right now." But there were some things he should probably be doing.

"I have perfect timing, then."

This time Logan couldn't stop his eye roll. "Is there anything else you wished to talk about?"

He hesitated. "Emile told me Patton went home Friday."

"That would be correct."

"How did it go?"

"Well, I immediately burned my hand." Logan showed him his reddened skin. Luckily, only the back of his fingers got hurt. "So I'd say it was off to a good start."

Thomas winced in sympathy. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine now." He looked at them.

"What about the issue with Patton?"

Logan scowled. "What about it?"

"Are you just ignoring him in your own house?"

"For the most part."

Thomas sighed. "Look, bear, I know you're mad — you have every right to be — but if you're going to still live together then you have to at least talk to him. How can you stand to be with someone you don't want to talk to?"

"How can I stand to be with someone that lied to me? As far as I'm concerned, he has to prove he's worthy enough to even stand in the same damn room as me. I'm not gonna make the same mistakes —"

The door to the classroom opened. A student popped in with a small smile on her face. An office aid hall pass hung around her neck. "Oh, you're here this time." She held a small vase of sunflowers. "Sorry to bother you, but you have a delivery."

"Again?"

"Yup." She set the vase on his desk. The other flowers were still there. "Seems your admirer really likes you." She handed him an envelope and left with another smile.

He didn't know what to do. The envelope had Patton’s writing on it. The flowers were pretty. He always liked sunflowers.

“What is it?”

Thomas’s voice broke him out of his frozen trance. “It’s from Patton.” He propped up his phone against his monitor so he could open the envelope. He grimaced on pure impulse upon seeing the front of the card. ‘To my significant otter’ with pictures of otters. It was a very Patton card to pick out. He always chose or made cards with puns on them. Inside was no different.

_Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe_

Every card Patton got for Logan always had at least one pick up line in it and nothing else. Not even a signature. Some were better than others, but they never repeated. Logan wasn’t quite sure how he kept track of that. Though this particular one looked familiar. He couldn’t place why, however. He just felt like he knew it somehow.

It didn’t matter anyway. A stupid card wasn’t going to make this all better. He huffed and held it over the trash can, prepared to throw it away, but found he couldn’t let it go. He kept a tight grip on it despite wanting to do the opposite.

He always kept everything Patton gave him. Every card, every letter, every gift. No matter how big or small he kept it. Hell, some of those cards were in this classroom at this moment. Part of the wall next to Logan’s desk was dedicated to his family. There were photos, drawings the twins gave him, and cards from Patton. Specifically from a few valentine’s days and anniversaries. The day he came to work after finding out, he took down every photo that had Patton in it. But he kept the cards up. For whatever reason, he couldn’t bring himself to take them down.

Sighing, he set the card off to the side. “There are also flowers.” He showed them to Thomas.

“Those are pretty.” Thomas looked at Logan in concern. “Are you alright?”

Logan sighed again and nudged his glasses up to rub his eyes. “I don’t know.”

When he got home, Roman greeted him at the door. The upside to having Patton back home was not needing to leave work early every day to pick up the kids from school. So far that appeared to be the one upside.

“Daddy, Daddy, look.” Roman tugged him into the kitchen. Virgil and Patton were at the kitchen counter with a mixing bowl. Virgil didn’t like the loudness of the mixer, so almost everything was mixed by hand. Flour and various other ingredients dusted the countertops. But it was mostly flour. “We’re making cookies. And don’t worry, Dad wasn’t allowed to help.”

Patton looked up, offended.

Despite better judgment, Logan smiled a little. “I think that’s for the best.”

“I’ll have you know, I'm a decent mixing machine.” He turned his attention back to the bowl.

“But not a decent baker,” Virgil murmured.

Logan bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“Okay, look, not everyone needs to be good at everything.”

“That’s okay, Dad. At least Daddy is good at baking,” Roman said.

“Daddy’s great at baking,” Virgil added.

“Yes, he is. Focus on the positives.” Patton took the spatula out. “There. Come get me before you try to put them in the oven.” He let them take the bowl so they could ball up the dough.

Logan decided to go about his normal getting home routine. He set his things down, took off his shoes, looked through the mail. Then, breaking routine, he face planted on his bed. With his glasses on. It wasn't at all comfortable, and he knew they would need to be cleaned for being pushed up against his face, but he didn't have the energy to remove them. Sometimes laying face down was the solution to the world's problems.

He stayed there for a bit, taking in the sounds of the house. The twins were noisy regardless of what they did. They always made some sort of sound doing the quietest of tasks. It was like they needed to give the world a reminder that they still existed.

A knock came at the door, causing Logan to sit up. He saw Patton in the doorway, though he made no attempt to get any closer. "Sorry," he said. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine." He slipped off his glasses. There were large smudges on the lenses. "I got your flowers." He looked for an appropriate cloth to use. "Both of them."

"Oh, that's good. I was wondering if they made it."

"They were… pretty." It wasn't that he was ashamed to admit that. It was more the fact that Patton knew what he would like. And that pissed him off. Because Patton knew Logan so well, but clearly Logan didn't know Patton well enough.

He smiled a little. "Pretty flowers for my pretty flower." His smile cracked. That must not have been something he wanted to say out loud. "Um, anyway, I'll let you have your time alone." He left.

The next day, Logan didn’t get any flowers. He couldn’t deny that he was a little disappointed, but it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Why would it matter if Patton decided not to give him something? It shouldn’t. It didn’t. He was still mad at him; flowers wouldn’t change that, no matter how many there were.

After he picked up Roman and Virgil, however, he soon discovered the gift-giving wouldn’t stop at flowers.

“Hey, there’s a package.” Roman trotted up to the front porch with Virgil in tow. He tried to pick it up, but it didn’t get very far off the ground. “Oof, it’s heavy.”

Virgil turned to Logan. “What is it?”

“I’m not sure.” He didn’t order anything, and there was only one other person in the house who could. He picked it up to read the label. Patton’s name was on it along with where it came from. He didn’t recognize the company name. “I’ll have to ask your dad.” He let Roman unlock the door (though he turned the key the wrong way the first two attempts) and inside they went.

He set the package down to send a quick text to Patton. The last message he saw broke his heart a little.

_Love you :) :)_

It was from the night of the party. Logan checked in to see if things were okay. Patton was still sober when he responded. If he wasn't, he would have called. Patton didn't make drunk texts. He made drunk calls. Logan pushed that all aside to send a new message. The first one since that night. _Your package is here_

He had to wait for a response to come in. In the meantime, he carried on with his normal routine.

_Oh good! It's for you so you can open it_

Logan stared at the text. For him? What did that mean? Why would Patton get a package for him?

"Did you figure out what it is yet?" Roman's head popped into the room.

"We have permission to open it." He smiled a little when Virgil's head also popped into view at that. "Did you two want to see?"

"Yes. Obviously."

Logan rolled his eyes. He went about opening the package while the boys came over. The first noticeable thing was bubble wrap that both Roman and Virgil were quick to snatch up, which cleared the way for the main item. Logan let out an involuntary gasp when he saw it. A star map in the shape of an anatomical heart. The date beneath it was their wedding night.

“What’s that?” Virgil asked as he popped the bubble wrap.

“It’s called a star map.” He lifted it out of the box carefully. As if one wrong move would shatter it. “Or a star chart. They mean the same thing. It shows the position of the stars in a certain place and time.” It was wonderful. The constellations were drawn out in a subtle way and every little star that existed on that night in that location was there for him to see.

"It looks pretty," Roman said.

That it did.

Over the next few days, Logan kept getting little things. There were more flowers, but individual ones or ones in small bundles instead of bouquets. There were letters and handmade objects like a stuffed bumblebee or a miniature Baymax. Patton had basic sewing skills, so Logan assumed Emile helped out a little. There was even a box of chocolates once or twice that he may or may not have eaten by himself and hid from his sons. One day, when he was home, Patton handed him a wrapped box before leaving for an emergency night shift. It was Christmas wrapping paper since that was all they really used wrapping paper for. Logan made a note to buy non-themed wrapping paper so this wouldn’t happen outside of the immediate family.

The gift, somewhat small, also didn’t weigh very much. He unwrapped it to see a delivery box. One that had been opened and sealed again. He reopened it and found another, smaller box inside. A note rested on top.

_The kids insisted I get this for you._

Odd. But once he got a proper look at the box, he understood. It was a star projector. A brand new one. Once Patton and Logan had the twins, they introduced them to their tradition of laying on the floor and staring at stars on the ceiling. The best and only way to stargaze in a city. Patton’s old one stopped working one day, and they haven't done it since.

Maybe this meant they could do it again.

Everything he got catered to his interests or likes or held sentiment. Which might have been why he found himself talking to Patton a little more. Bit by bit. It felt like he was making a conscious effort to do better.

But then Logan would remember why they were in this position in the first place and he would want to shut himself out all over again. He wanted to stay angry. He wanted Patton to hurt as much as he hurt. It seemed fair to want that. It seemed justified. But… then he would look at his sons and see all that they wanted — all they _deserved_ — was a stable, loving family. He couldn't give that to them if he wanted to hurt Patton back. If he stopped to think about it, he didn't really want to hurt Patton, anyway. That was just the anger.

He knew he should let it go. Trying to cling to his hurt and anger in this way wasn't healthy. It wouldn't help anyone. And yet he didn't know how to stop, and part of him was terrified to. The last time a relationship hurt him he didn't say a word until it was too late. If he stopped putting up a fight now, who's to say that wouldn't happen again? How can he know that Patton won't take advantage of him? What if being passive makes Patton think he can do this over and over again? And if it _did_ happen again what would Logan do? Would he still stay? Would he take the twins and leave? Would he burn the house down?

This was the dilemma he posed to Thomas one night.

"Look, I can't say I particularly like Patton right now, but I am sure of one thing." He adjusted his position so Logan could see his face instead of having it half in his pillow. "He's nothing like Percy. He's actively trying to make things better between you two instead of brushing it off or hoping you stop caring — or even forcing you to believe it's not a big deal. It seems like he means what he says."

"But what do I do?"

"Personally, I think you should kick him to the curb." He shrugged. "But I know that's not how you want to deal with this. You're just going to have to test it out, bear. I don't know what to say. Only _you_ can decide what's right for you and what you're okay with. If things seem fishy then leave. If you trust him then stay. I'm biased, I'm your brother. It all depends on how you feel and if you want to keep trying."

Ugh, feelings. Why did they have to play a part in everything? The more complex the matter, the more confusing they became. Logan wished there was a solid answer to this instead of the washy feelings one. That would make things easier.

"I can't lie to you and say I know what will happen, but I can promise you that I will always be here. No matter what."

Logan smiled a little. "Thank you."

"And if he does it again, I _will_ kill him for you."

A few days after, Logan sat by himself in the living room after work. The twins were in their own room doing whatever it is that they do. Be little menaces. Following his lengthy talk with Thomas (which wound up being literal hours), he had to accept that his time with Percy wasn't universal. And while he knew deep down this was true, and Thomas reinforcing it helped, he still couldn't drop his fear. He thought he knew Patton just as he thought he knew Percy. And that was the connection his oh-so-helpful brain refused to let go of. The future of his relationship rode partly on whether or not Logan could drop his anger and hurt, but he couldn't drop it in case of a repeat.

It was frustrating to be at constant war with all parts himself. His traumatized half battled against his hope for his husband to be genuine. His logical side fought against the emotions he needed to judge character. He could have sworn it gave him a headache.

"Daddy?"

Logan looked up from the hole he tried to burn in the coffee table. Virgil stood at the doorway with his hands behind his back.

"Do you think we could have a reading session?"

He tried to calm himself down. "Of course. Do you have a book in mind?" Virgil still disliked reading, but Logan found he could be coerced into doing it if Logan read with him.

Virgil stepped forward and presented the book from behind his back.

Logan almost stopped breathing for a second.

It was his _Alice in Wonderland_ book. The one Patton got him on their first date. It was his second well-kept book — well, he thought bitterly, now his _only_ well-kept book — but he handed it down to the twins once they were old enough to read chapter books. He had to tell them why it was important to ensure they made an effort to take care of it. Besides dropping it once or twice, they handled it well.

He took it hesitantly. Looking at the light blue cover, the same one that once convinced him that Patton could be trusted, threw him into a dark pit. For a moment, all he could do was stare. A symbol of trust that mocked him for his naivety.

He took a breath.

“What are you trying to do?”

Virgil stared at him with a neutral expression until deciphering this wasn’t something he could weasel out of. “It was Roman’s idea.”

“What?” Roman shrieked.

Logan sighed and set the book on his lap. “Roman come over here.” Roman shuffled into the living room from his hiding spot. “Sit down, both of you.”

They sat next to him.

“I’m going to need you to stop trying to do things like this.” He gave them each a look. “It is my job as your father to make you feel safe and be there when you need me. If you feel the need to do this then I haven’t been doing my job correctly. I shouldn’t be relying on you to fix any of my problems. It should be the other way around. Do you understand?”

Virgil nodded.

“But we wanna help,” Roman said.

“This is between your dad and me. I know it’s hard to wait, but we have to do this our own way or it won’t work. I promise that neither of us are going anywhere. And neither of _you_ are going anywhere, either. It will just take some time until things get…” he didn’t want to say ‘normal’ because it couldn't ever be ‘normal’, “... okay again. Now go play. You have some time until dinner.”

The twins solemnly slipped off the couch and proceeded to their room, but not before Virgil stopped at the living room doorway. He looked at Logan with a tiny frown. “Do you still love Dad?”

Logan stared at his son with wide eyes. Despite it all, he didn’t expect to be asked such a question. Children often assumed their parents loved each other without needing to be told. In most children's worlds, that was a fact of life. Parents loved each other just as they loved their children. Logan could only give an honest answer. “Of course I do.”

Virgil nodded, his expression less downcast.

Once he left, Logan looked down at his book again. A symbol of trust.

When Patton got home he was met with silence. That wasn't unusual nowadays, but it still made him a little uncomfortable. "Anybody home?" He walked toward the bedrooms. Logan wasn't in his, and the twins weren't in theirs. Once he reached Logan's office, he calmed down a little. Roman was at the desk using the computer while Virgil was on the floor with the laptop. "What are you guys doing?"

"Minecraft," Roman answered, eyes never leaving the screen. "Virgil died to a wither skeleton in the Nether so we're trying to get his stuff back."

He had no idea what any of that meant. "Sounds fun." But there was still someone missing. "Do you happen to know where your daddy is?"

"Uh… he's outside I think."

Interesting. "Alright, I'm gonna go talk to him. Good luck on your quest." Before heading outside, Patton stopped by the bedroom. His bag was still in the closet where he left it. He stared at it, debating if this would be a good time, then took it before he could find some reason to back out. He kept it slung over his shoulder as he approached the back.

The first thing he noticed was music. It had been a little while, but he recognized Logan’s singing and playing. Logan still avoided playing unless it was requested of him so this was a bit of a surprise. Patton tried not to be intrusive as he walked over to the table.

_Yesterday  
Love was such an easy game to play  
Now I need a place to hide away  
Oh, I believe in yesterday_

He waited to the side until the song was over, trying not to think so hard about the words. Despite it being such a short song, it felt like an eternity for it to reach the end. Not that Logan was a bad singer or guitarist — quite the opposite actually — it was about the subject matter. Maybe for Logan, it was cathartic but for Patton, it was a reminder of everything he had done from a different perspective. If there was one thing he didn’t need, it was more reminders.

Once the final notes hit, a swift pause rushed between them. "My mom really liked The Beatles," Logan said softly before Patton could gather the courage to open his mouth. "She said they were one of the only things she would listen to when she was a kid. She even still had a few of their records before she died. I think Thomas has them." He set the guitar flat on his lap and plucked the strings idly.

"Those must be collector's editions at this point." Patton took the chair beside Logan. Not too close yet not too far.

"My grandmother bought them for her in the 60s. I'm sure they're valuable to someone somewhere." He started a simple melody. Soft background noise that blended in with the general sounds of the outside. "They've been packed away since she died. I don't think they're leaving anytime soon."

“Maybe we could get a record player.”

“Maybe.”

Another silence fell over them. The only sound any of them made came from Logan’s guitar. Patton tried to rack his brain for something to say. Maybe even something that could segue into why he brought his bag out here, but once again, Logan beat him to it.

“I have something to tell you.” He stopped plucking strings, causing a moment of alarming silence.

Patton felt sick to his stomach. “What is it?”

He took in a deep breath. “I dated a boy named Percy in high school. He was the first person I ever dated and in the beginning, I was happy that someone even wanted me at all.” He started plucking the strings again. This time it sounded less like gentle music and more like erratic jumps between sour notes. Like he needed to keep his hands busy in any way possible. “He was so wonderful at the time. I was blinded by his charm and too naive to not fall head over heels for him.

“It didn’t last very long, unfortunately. He soon showed me the type of person he actually was. In hindsight, it seemed so obvious what was happening, but at the time I didn’t realize it until… until he hit me.” He stilled his hands. “Even now I’m convinced that was something he didn’t plan on doing, but once it happened he realized he could get away with it. And I, I was so confused. I managed to convince myself that I must have been doing something wrong. There was no way someone who loved me would tell me he hated my smile or, or threaten to break my arm if I spoke a little too much. The problem must have been me. I must have done something to change how he acted.”

Patton’s heart hurt to think about such a young kid going through that. And that kid was _Logan._ His own husband. He always had his suspicions about what must have happened with Logan’s past boyfriend, but hearing it being confirmed was so much worse.

“I just… wanted to believe that he loved me. I wasn’t ready to admit the relationship was toxic. I even kept it from Thomas because I was afraid he would tell me what I tried to ignore. But then there came a time where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.” He paused, seeming to start and stop sentences in his head before continuing. “I was sixteen. Our relationship had been going for two years. And one day I went over to his house after school. I remember it was almost always empty when I would be there. I don’t know if he made sure to bring me over when he thought no one would be home, or if that’s how often people weren’t in the house, but regardless, it was just the two of us. And because it happened so often I didn’t think twice about it.”

He began messing with the strings again except this time he ran his finger up and down, causing a soft strumming sound to emit from it. “He wanted to… He tried…” His strumming became more and more aggressive before he gave up with a huff. “I don't know why I still can't say it."

"It's alright. I think I get what you mean." Patton didn't know if he could say it either. Just the implication of it made him nauseous. He couldn't imagine how it made Logan feel.

"But I owe you a full explanation."

"Not if it's going to make you uncomfortable." He frowned. "It's okay to still not be ready to tell me."

Logan frowned at his guitar. "Well, I got away, anyhow. I ran all the way back home and I told Thomas everything. He's one of the only people that know. Him, and Valerie, and…"

"Damien," Patton finished softly.

"Yeah, and him." He plucked one string repeatedly. "Did he tell you anything about it?"

"No. He said you told him not to."

"Surprised he kept it so long." He stopped. "I, um, I felt like I owed him an explanation for how I reacted that day. When I ran out of your house."

"Why didn't you —?" No. Nope. Rephrase it. "Is there a reason you didn't tell me?"

"I was afraid. I didn't want you to leave because I was a bigger mess than you thought. Or, or you realized I would be easy to take advantage of if somebody already did it once."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Logan shrugged. “I had Thomas. He helped me leave and made sure I wouldn’t see him again. For the rest of high school at least.”

“What do you mean?”

“In college, before I transferred, I ran into him. He tried to get me to come back to him but I refused.” He ran his hand along the body of the guitar. “I saw him a few more times after that but once I transferred I never saw him again.”

Patton didn’t know how to respond. First off, he was surprised Logan could keep this a secret for so long — even when Percy had been right in front of him. Second, he was mad that anyone would try to do something like that. What kind of a person do you have to be to try to manipulate a past victim into the same relationship? Lastly, he was upset that Logan went through this alone. He understood why, he really did, but he remembered how Logan acted on those days. He stayed quiet and out of the way, flinched if Patton moved a little too fast, and over apologized for the littlest things. If Patton knew what was going on he would have tried to respond better. He would have tried to make sure Logan wouldn’t be by himself so much on campus. But the past was the past. There was nothing Patton could do to change it and he wouldn’t blame Logan for it.

“Thank you for telling me,” Patton decided to say at last.

“I probably should have done it sooner. We’ve been together for over ten years.”

“I would be willing to wait ten more if that’s what it took for you to be ready.” He tried for a gentle smile. “You shouldn’t think you have to tell me just because a set number of years has passed. It was a difficult point in your life. I understand if you’d never want to think about it again.”

Logan finally looked up at him. “Well… thank you for being so understanding.”

Patton smiled a little wider. “It’s the least I can do.” Quite literally.

They didn’t say anything after that. The noises of the approaching night took over the conversation. It was peaceful. A slow breeze ran its fingers through their hair, carrying the light chirping of a few eager crickets.

“You know,” Logan started. “If we’re going to try again, we can’t go back to how things used to be.”

“I know.”

“Which means you have to be open with me. Which is something I never thought I’d actually have to say.” He seemed a little perplexed as it came out of his mouth. “You have to be open about all your emotions. Not just the ones that are convenient to display.”

Patton nodded. “You’re right.” This whole thing could have been avoided if Patton didn’t bottle up his ugly feelings. “I promise to do better.”

“I can’t say I completely forgive you —” Patton tried not to be disappointed. It made sense. Not all apologies were meant to be accepted. Not all actions were worth forgiving. Logan made his choice and it was Patton’s job to accept that — “but I’m not mad at you. I mean, I definitely _was,_ I think that was fairly obvious, but I am just tired of holding onto that anger. There are better things to put that energy toward.” He paused. “And you can’t expect gifts to make everything go away. Even though they were… good.”

He seemed embarrassed to admit that, causing Patton to grin a little. “Well, I hope you’ll accept at least one more gift.” He pulled a book out of his bag.

Logan looked between Patton and the book curiously before setting his guitar against the table and taking it. It had a blank, blue cover. No title or author anywhere. When he opened it, his eyes widened in surprise. “This is…” He flipped through all the pages, not quite believing what was right in front of him. The last time he saw it it ripped in half in his own hand. “H-how… how did you…?”

“I asked Thomas if you happened to leave the book at his house,” Patton fidgeted with the straps of his bag, “and luckily you did. So I took it and D helped me put it back together. Um, unfortunately, I couldn’t do much to save the cover — paperbacks are sort of hard to fix — but I hope that’s alright. A-and, um, if any of the pages come loose or anything you can just bring it to me and I’ll fix it.”

Patton probably would have kept going if Logan didn’t stop him with a hug. He shut himself up out of pure shock. Before he could even react, Logan was already back in his own chair.

“Thank you.” Logan gave him a smile through teary eyes.

Patton returned it. “Anything for you.”


End file.
